How Much Freedom Did You Enjoy as a Child?

In the News

Recently, a couple in Silver Spring, MD, was threatened to have their 10 and 6 year old children removed from their custody for allowing them to walk unescorted to and from the park, a mile away from their home. The story made national as well as international news.

The incident sparked a flurry of debates over the question of childhood freedom. Social scientists, psychologists, and researchers have been studying the issue for years. The results clearly indicate a major de-emphasis on free play outside the home with a corresponding greater emphasis on academic proficiency in both school and home. Studies indicate that the loss of children’s free play have resulted in the increase of tragic childhood behavioral consequences.

Sadly, research points to a frightening increase in rates of suicide, depression and anxiety among today’s children. Since 1950, anxiety and depression among young boys and girls in the U.S. have nearly more than tripled. During this period, suicides of children under the age of 15 have almost quadrupled. The connection between the lack of play and the increased rate in these unfortunate data is becoming more apparent:

“With every passing decade, school and homework have occupied

increasingly large portions of children’s lives. And school itself, with its focus on high-stakes testing and its sacrificing of recess [and intramural sports activities], has become a less playful place. This is happening not just in the United States, but throughout the world. It is time for reckoning.”

Peter Gray, Jan 20, 2015 in Freedom To Learn, Psychology Today

Impact of Childhood Independence and Play on Adults

What impact does the loss of free play and childhood freedom as they affect children's social skills in later life? Two invaluable social skills that play an important role in later life are empathy and narcissism.

Empathy allows you to see and experience what someone else sees and experiences. It is the understanding and compassion that you need to get along with others.

Narcissism is the opposite. Narcissistic behavior results in self-absorption. It prevents you from relating to others on an emotional level.

Both empathy and narcissism have been looked at in personality questionnaires of college age students. Since the ‘70s, evidence from this group shows a rise in the one and decline in the other – exactly what is found in children who have little chance to play socially.

To my mind, however, the most important aspect of free play among children is the fact that they are having fun while they are learning social skills. My motto is:

“Learning is fun; if it’s not fun, it’s not learning.” This applies to both free play as well as school.

In business and industry, success on the job is expected. In schools, not everyone is expected to succeed. On the contrary, the teacher’s success is based mainly on the ubiquitous “Bell-Shaped Curve.” This system, much ingrained in our schools, ranks teachers on how successfully they use “The Curve”: the top 10% of their learners get the highest grades, the bottom 10% get the lowest grades, and the rest, 80% usually are stuck in the middle.

Childhood Freedom in Mary Sullivan Esseff's Novels

In Wedding Tales, Book One: Love’s Journey, Father Paddy recalls Rebecca’s moments as a free spirit and a happy child. In this flashback, Khalil sees Rebecca and her sister Lizbett, as young children enjoying the delightful antics of her favorite priest. They also enjoy and treasure the freedom given them by their liberal-minded, freedom-loving mother. They clearly display this freedom to participate with Father Paddy in singing and dancing and marching along with him in the presence of their elders. At the same time, Fr. Paddy recounts the profound empathy the child Rebecca demonstrates towards Khalil when she discovers his sorrow at the recent death of his mother.

As a young boy, Khalil spends hours in the schoolyard playing pick-up basketball games with fellow students. He barely manages to make it home for dinner. There are no questions asked about his whereabouts. Even in first grade, he walks the mile-and-a-half trip to and from school. His daily journey takes him through “the Bowery,” across railroad racks, along the iron works, and past busy intersections. The tough winters and rainy days only mean that he has to dress accordingly, another task he manages on his own. His parents and older siblings take his safety for granted. He is proud of his independence and never feels neglected.

Walking the Rails by Jim Daly

In The Butterfly & The Snail, examples abound with the freedom given to Rebecca and her sister as little children. Before moving to the country, they move freely and unescorted through the streets of their Philadelphia neighborhood. Next, they are free to explore the countryside in their home in Green Lane. The same is true when they move from the country to larger towns like Coopersburg and Quakertown, where their stepfather can be closer to his business. In each instance, they have the freedom to play and experience life on their own.

As adults, this love of independence continues to play a major role in the lives of Rebecca and Khalil. Rebecca’s choice of colleges and her freedom to make her journey alone across Europe before the study program in Salzburg are more examples of the same adventurous spirit she demonstrates as a child roaming the streets of Philadelphia. Some may consider foolhardy her willingness to leave the safety of her spot atop Untersberg to rescue her fallen camera. Others who know her well say it’s just another example of the self-confidence she gained as a child, making her way freely and independently through any city, countryside, or town where she happens to find herself.

Untersburg Tram, Salzburg, Austria 1964

After the end of the summer school session, except for a pre-planned group bus tour, she plans to continue her journey through Europe mostly by herself. On the way, in Vienna, she meets up with some of her girl friends from Salzburg. Visiting the famous Saint Stephen's Cathedral, she frightens her on-looker friends as she appears on a ledge of the office building across the street to get the best view of the edifice with her new camera.

St. Stephen's Cathedral, Vienna, Austria, 1964

On the bus tour, she is cast into the role of “Person in Charge” when the police stops the tour leader for smuggling watches. When the tour bus finally arrives late at the London hotel, and they don’t want to honor their commitment to provide dinner for the group, she confronts the manager and demands that the hotel feed her fellow passengers as per their contract.

Points to Ponder

Here are some points for you to consider. Please feel free to respond with your opinion.

What is your opinion of the freedom allowed Rebecca and Khalil as children?
What is the story of your childhood and subsequent years as an adult?
Like the major characters in the author’s books, do you feel you were allowed freedom to play and enjoy life without adult supervision?
Was the presence or absence of free play a help or hindrance to your development?
Are times different today that we need to fear for our children at every moment?
How should authorities treat those Silver Spring parents who let their children walk to the park by themselves?

For answers to these and other intriguing questions, read Rebecca Butler and Khalil Khoury’s journey of love as told in The Butterfly & The Snail and Wedding Tales, Book One: Love’s Journey. You can purchase these books at www.MarySullivanEsseff.com, Amazon.com and other online book stores.